It’s hard for me to believe it has been 4 years since you left us. Time has a way of passing very quickly yet standing still at the same time. Some days I want to rewind all the way back to your beginning, while other days I want to fast forward to my ending. Both lead me back to you.
So much has changed since you left and while I know you were watching, and many times participating in the unfolding, I want tell you a few things anyway.
Your brother is growing up. He is tall and talented just like you. He is honest, smart, loves basketball and shoes (sound familiar?) I try and replace you in his life by pestering him constantly like a good older brother should! He likes hanging out with mom and dad - that makes me happy.
Both of your sisters are married to great guys that take good care of them and love them like they deserve. They are selfless like you. Kylie works for a childhood cancer non profit and Kenzie works for Make-A-Wish. It would be impossible for me to be more proud and I know you feel the same.
Your grandma is now cancer free. You inherited so much of your kindness and toughness from her, but I think it was you that led her through the darkness. Grandpa took such good care of her during her battle, little man. He cooked. He cleaned. He gave her pills and made her follow doctors orders. I am so very proud of him.
Your mom - well she gets more amazing every day - she is quick to forgive and slow to pass judgment. She helps me to not give up and encourages me to forgive. She misses you a lot and cries when she doesn’t think I know. You know how she has crazy dreams? When she asks us if we want to hear about them we all groan and roll our eyes! Ha! Visit her there little man, she would like that.
Your dog, Koda, is nuts! He is my furry little buddy. He follows me everywhere and cries when I leave the house. I ask him where Tyler is and he will stop and listen. He loves to lay out in the Arizona sun. In a lot of ways he is my connection to you. He better live the longest dog life in history. I’m taking care of him like I promised.
That brings me to, well, me. I miss you pal. A lot. You would be 19 now. There is so much I want to tell you, ask you, and get your advice on. You were so wise and so many times I just feel stupid and lost. I work hard on your foundation and you know me, I have zero patience, when I start something I want it to be the best day one, so I feel like I am letting you down sometimes, but I’m trying. I’m always thinking of something new to try - I think creating things helps me cope. But I have the same patience problem with that too!
These anniversaries are hard. We all miss you, Big T. The world misses you.
I love you,